On the Level - Postscript: Stones Cry Out/Heads Will Roll

From the glass-fronted cafeteria at Powell’s Books I look out upon springtime sunny streets and the parade of Portlanders strolling. Turning my gaze inward there is row upon row of books of every description. I am always intrigued by the variety and quantity of  material on display. So much time, talent and knowledge (perceived or otherwise) has been invested in the pages. How do they all get published and what makes these books worth writing? Is there a point beyond being printed and thereby read (potentially) by someone? What value is there in the unpublished word? How about the unread script? Why is the written word treasured? I guess I question the value, and perhaps arrogance, of my own words and the sporadic desire to transform my part-time and often half-arsed word-smithing into polished final pieces ready for publication. At this point my thinking becomes esoteric and mystical or even judgmental. At times the words of John the Baptist resonate and I feel I have something worth saying even if it feels like the voice of one crying in the wilderness. Of course, the price he paid for speaking out was the loss of his head as well as the fame or infamy of announcing the coming of Jesus of Nazareth. It’s probably vanity or blasphemy to compare myself in any way to John.

On my recent work contract in Jordan I had the privilege of visiting many sites of archeological, religious and historical significance. One of these was Machaerus where the very same John was imprisoned by the ruler Herod. It’s fascinating to walk the ground where stories you have read about since childhood actually happened. There is room for the debate on the importance of John in history and his significance in the human story but as historical fact, the basics of his life are as undisputed as most other well known characters from antiquity (Julius Caesar, etc). As I wandered the ruins on a high hilltop overlooking the Dead Sea, I pondered Bible stories of these cousins, John and Jesus. I reread aloud to my fellow visitors, words from Matthew chapter 3.

In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” For this is he who was spoken of by the prophet Isaiah when he said, “The voice of one crying in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight.’”

At Machaerus not much remains of Herod’s castle where a few walls and pillars show the proud position of the fortress and the many caves suggest where prisoners were held. It did however evoke visions in my mind’s eye of Salome dancing for the king on this very site two thousand years ago and, at the prompting of her mother, requesting the head of John on a platter as a reward. The view across the sea to Israel and occupied Palestine stands silent over the atrocities and abuses of power that endure in this region perhaps more than others. And in that silence, the words of Jesus from Luke chapter 19 still echo:

He answered, “I tell you, if these [his disciples] were silent, the very stones would cry out.”

Indeed. And with these words the Kingdom of Heaven was announced. A reign which declares an end to tyranny and injustice which remains aloof here, just as it has for the two millennia since Jesus died declaring it. We continue on to Madaba and the aptly named church of St John the Baptist. Having climbed the bell tower to view the panorama over the town and surrounding desert, we descend to the ruins of previous structures below and an ancient Moabite well named after Ruth (also of Bible fame) who is said to have married Boaz and lived out her days in this part of Jordan. Leaving via the crypt we pass by the ceramic head of John on a platter. A fitting way to end the day. In these days of ‘fake news’, my mind is full of questions about how we understand facts, archeological findings and the ways we present them to the world and its readership. It seems, however, that whenever people speak out in ways that challenge power, heads will roll. And you can be sure that it won’t belong to those (usually a man) in charge. Such has it been since the time of beheaded John and crucified Jesus. For all the words written so that we might learn from history in order not to repeat past ills, not many are taking much notice.

Surely the stones would cry out if they could.

Alas, silence.

On the Level - Part 2: From the Balcony

It’s stormy outside. The persistent clear skies of late autumn and heat of the small sun trap of my balcony have gone. It seems there will be no more lazy Friday mornings with feet up, sipping coffee while reading of the litany of war and horror across the region in Robert Fisk’s The Great War for Civilisation, as I gaze west to the far bank of the Jordan and the expanse of the desert beyond south Amman. In the relative comfort of the capital’s affluent west side it’s easy to forget the extreme suffering and brutality of the regimes which have dominated the area since the earliest of times. I don’t read Fisk to be morbid. Rather, I do so to keep myself grounded an in tune with the reality of this world - from the Iran-Iraq conflict of my childhood to the current Syrian Crisis - and my work which seeks to relieve some of the suffering which shows no sign of letting up here or anywhere for that matter. The only question is whether you can stomach the view, turn your eyes with honesty towards the condition which a majority of humankind experience. Will I continue to cast my eyes beyond the balmy balcony or seek out a comfortable self-preservation? 

Yesterday I walked to work in a steady drizzle, under grey skies much like those I am familiar with from London. The smell of a fire built to warm the hearth or dampened doorway pervaded the air but was more likely a lot less romantic than my imaginings. The smell of coal smoke (despite its environmental impact and bad reputation) will forever prompt fond thoughts for me of the warm, homely setting in the north of England where I was born. A refuge from exile in the cold streets. The reality here is unlike my fantasy. In Amman the heating systems are fuelled by diesel, the fumes of which permeate the lower floors of buildings. The waft of fuel is often the odour that greets me upon entering my home.

My third floor flat it is like an icy mausoleum. There is no insulation, like an airy, tiled hammam in the dead of wintery night, with the heat off. Even when the central heating is on, its ability to radiate throughout my apartment, let alone make a meaningful difference to the room temperature is limited. Often I huddle next to the radiator in the kitchen appalled by the veneer of modernity. One might assume good design, comfort and functionality but the reality here as in other countries chasing the Western curve of development is vain, ill-conceived and superficial. Large concrete buildings are preferred even though the lack of insulation and general un-liveable-ness is tangible to all, especially in the middle of winter. But also in summer when the temperatures soar to the early forties on a regular basis. The cheap and ugly wall cabinets do nothing to cheer me and I spend time surrounded by them purely due to proximity to warm drinks and the fact that the kitchen actually warms up, eventually. This room must be the least aesthetically pleasing room I have had the misfortune to spend time. I’d take a cosy mud-brick home heated by a bukhari (Afghan-style pot-belly stove) with no electricity or running water over my current situation any day. It is a mystery why countries that effectively found ways to survive and even flourish in harsh climates for centuries have seemingly abandoned all reason and common sense when it comes to building materials, architecture and design for the sake of appearances and maybe Western approval. Yes, I take a dim view of the sorry legacy of imperialists - Russian, American, British and French mostly - in the places I have chosen to spend much of my time. At least there was good beer in Congo, but don’t get me started on the Belgians!

I walk away to the only place I feel at ease other than my bedroom. The sun is out! South-east facing, and sometimes even warm on a still day in the middle of winter, this corner of the massive flat I live in with its nook-shaped couch feels like a different world. I sit there reading, with coffee in hand, and the internal woe, architectural and otherwise, fades. Soon I am down to a T-shirt and bare feet when only moments ago, indoors, I was wearing heavy boots and a down jacket. How crazy is that? As a rule it is warmer outside than inside the buildings I inhabit. Out on a day trip to al-Salt, the chaps and I relax with strong and muddy Turkish coffee on a sunny cafe balcony and survey the scene (see photo). Despite the mess of power lines and construction sites, the minarets are elegant on the skyline and the brickwork of the old buildings seems to belong, as does the call to prayer.

On the Level - Part 1: The Street

The first noticeable building I saw as I was driven into the capital from Queen Alia Airport was the large Ikea by the side of the highway. Its yellow and blue edifice, evoking the dream of an urbane fantasy built around Scando-minimalism at affordable prices, is part of the wannabe middle classes of all the world’s medium-to-large-sized cities. Yes, Amman. Peaceful with a largely functioning infrastructure. This majority Muslim, Middle Eastern city with all the trappings of Western modernity is  a multinational’s growth market wet dream. What was I getting myself into here?

As we sped down the smooth tar-seal, overtaken by BMW and Prius alike, this arrival on a humanitarian aid contract was unlike any I had experienced. This was not the usual violent dysfunction and adventure I was used to and had even come to crave. There is nothing quite like the feeling of travelling into a disaster full of danger and corruption. The anxious exhilaration of not knowing if you will make it safely to your accommodation or ever return to the avian gateway which acts as a portal back to the safe, the known. The delightful discomfort of these uncertain moments only really lasts until the lights of the terminal fade and then you are into the reality of the journey. The flight is like getting high. The time in country mirrors the ups and downs of drug-fuelled experience as they work their way through your system for good or bad. The initial rush never lasts and the trip seems more often something to be endured. Arriving in Jordan I mostly felt the latter. This city is what is known as a family posting. I had chosen the easy option and as I lay my head down to sleep that first night, it spun with the other options I had avoided for the sake of comfortable self-preservation. The questions and doubts spiralled like dancing DNA strands on amphetamines until finally something familiar sounded out across the neighbourhood; “Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar”. With that call to prayer - its beautiful, gentle incantation and melodic recitation washing over me - a peacefulness entered my mind and spread throughout my tired limbs. Sleep descended quickly and I dreamed of Afghanistan.

Awaking to the sound of busy morning traffic and a strange room, empty but for impersonal furniture and my bags by the wall, I find myself considering my choice to be here in the new day’s light and from the inside looking out. This is not Kabul and like the view from my window, I feel  cluttered, confused, the horizon or what lies beyond unknowable. On that first walk to work I am most powerfully struck by the smells at street level. Men on their way to work smoking cigarettes as they drive. Cutting down a side street the fragrance of cologne is pungent but there is nobody nearby. I notice a man fifty yards away with his window down and it’s not until I pass him that I realise the source is him. The smell of fresh bread wafts from a local boulangerie and I step inside to buy breakfast. Perhaps we always make sense of the new and unfamiliar in reference to our own cultural reference points and past, even something simple like fresh bread in the morning. The poppy seed-covered croissants filled with local cheese are delicious, their crust flaky like those produced so beautifully in France where the quality of this bread would not be out of place. 

Walking to work I notice the pavements are somewhat ridiculous here. Time and money has been invested into them but zero thought it seems. You can barely walk ten yards in many places without encountering an obstacle to be navigated. Sometimes this is just a curb where access of vehicles has been prioritised for easy access or egress. There are trees - perhaps half a dozen of them, quite tall and sturdy - near my house which stand centrally in a 4-foot-wide sidewalk which to pass you have to squeeze by between a wall or parked cars. Then there are the sections which have been converted to miniature green spaces or dumping grounds of affluent fly tippers. There are also sentry boxes for security guards of police in the richer areas which will take up the entire width of the pavement. In short, when folk walk here they use the road. As I turn onto Paris Street where my offices are located and compose myself for the day ahead. Stepping into the smoke-filled stair well I am reminded of when I loved to smoke. Those days are long gone but that still familiar aroma comforts me and puts me at ease. Upon reflection it seems I am forming touch-points for engagement with new people, in a place and speaking a language, none of which I understand. But I understand this work and that most people, most of the time, hold good intentions toward others, even strangers, especially in majority-Muslim contexts where hospitality is taken very seriously and is largely heartfelt. Things tend to work out somehow and I’m sure this Middle East adventure will be similarly full of rich experience. I turn toward the Medair sign and step across the threshold. Here we go again.

Heading back from work that first week I came once again to a busy four-way intersection with no traffic lights, stops signs or even guidance about who yields (see photo). The pedestrian crossings  traversing this junction are faded and on foot in rush hour you enter at your peril. Jordanians step out with confidence trusting that the driver is always held culpable if someone is knocked down. Presumably there is local etiquette that ensures a degree of safety before entering the hazardous melee. I treat it more like an obstacle course and I’m sure my approach appears comic to bystanders. I also find it funny but am mostly trying not to die. Amman is many things but it is decidedly not built for those who travel by foot (or bicycle for that matter but that’s a separate matter). The roads are big, smooth and fast. People behind the wheel regularly speed and are openly impatient with each other. The beeping of horns from six cars back begins the moment traffic lights turn green even though it is impossible that the honker could be moving any sooner or gain anything (other than venting) by doing so. Such is life in these large conurbations where there is competition for space and progress in almost every sphere.

As I head towards relatively quieter streets near my apartment, I  wonder about the crossroads in my own life and how I will navigate my way through another humanitarian contract, the distance from my girlfriend in America and the feelings of exile which I have carried ever since my first aid mission in northern Afghanistan. In the words of Bob Dylan ‘no direction home’ is how I feel and yet here in Amman I will have an apartment to myself, mostly, and that’s the closest I ever get to a stable physical base; when I’m away and working. I dream of a cabin somewhere, with space all around, a place of sanctuary and simplicity where I can lay my head and put down my burden and bags, unpack this life in boxes. The alternative is to embrace this nomadic lifestyle I’ve come to live over the years since I became an aid worker. Sometimes I think if I could accept that home is where the heart is, or simply where I happen to be, then I wouldn’t worry about having a place of my own to lay my head and house my possessions. Never putting down roots but instead travelling light, doing away with bags and boxes I never see but always carry somehow and simply trust that anything more is not needed, heed the bedouin’s beckoning call. I step through the doorway and head up to my apartment, as much of a home as I’ve ever had over the years. For the next four months this is my base and I am grateful for this contract provision.

Portland Procrastination

It has been nearly six months since I moved to Portland, Oregon. Naturally, reality has been different from the many ideas I had about how life might be and the ways I would spend my time. Specifically, as a man without a day job, I hoped to use my many hours of free time to make the most of the opportunity to write, (amongst other things), an activity that I always say I want to do more of but when I have the time, I mostly don’t. I’m not sure why exactly. There are times when I have written, if not prolifically, then at least consistently over a period. Nor have I lacked a muse. This corner of the Pacific North-west has stimulated my thinking and I have a list of topics to explore. However, I simply haven’t done it. Nor have I disciplined myself to even try.

Maybe the adjustment to living in America has demanded other things of me and my time. As someone who has spent many years in various different countries, I know that culture shock is real and while the USA speaks English, has familiar cultural markers and doesn’t feel particularly foreign, this country up close and personal is strange to me. Perhaps it is even more bizarre than more extreme examples of the countries from which I have visited over the past fifteen years of travel and work, such as Afghanistan and Japan. I think one of the key challenges is that I thought I knew America (not least through TV, previous visits and friends from here, including my current girlfriend), but the truth is that this familiarity is deceptive and more than ever, the disconnect between the United States I imagined and the place I live is vast. And this gap is exacerbated by the appearance of the recognisable. So, as I finally approach these Portland Paradigms, it is with the perspective of an outsider. I might seem to be local were it not for the Kiwi accent and un-American things I do and say, everything from being misunderstood when talking about the everyday to my utter disbelief at deadly serious debates over guns and the mass shootings which occur not daily in this place often referred to as ‘the land of the free and home of the brave’.

Now that I’m finally putting fingers to keyboard, I’m interested in exploring aspects of America via a Portland lens, including just how free this place is and how much bravery is required to live here. This series of essays will pursue a number of alliterative titles including ‘Portland Pot’ about legal marijuana in the city of roses, ‘Portland Parochial’ about politics, white and liberal, and ‘Portland Pubs’ all about beers in the world’s craft beer capital. I come to this with many prejudices, some of which are unhelpful and wrong, others which I like and/or are good, but none of which should go unchallenged as I wrestle with the culture here.  As I walk down the street with my Red Wing boots, denim-on-denim with Filson jacket and trucker cap on, I look the part. But I am more than that. Neither are appearances in this urban milieu best characterised by it’s various stereotypes. 

Postscriptych: How Do You Voodoo?

Good Lord who hath made the sun that shines upon us, that riseth from the sea, who maketh the storm to roar; and governeth the thunders, The Lord is hidden in the heavens, and there He watcheth over us. The Lord seeth what the blancs have done. Their god commandeth crimes, ours giveth blessings upon us. The Good Lord hath ordained vengeance. He will give strength to our arms and courage to our hearts. He shall sustain us. Cast down the image of the god of the blancs, because he maketh the tears to flow from our eyes. Hearken unto Liberty that speaketh now in all your hearts.

Dutty Boukman

In 1791 at Bois Caiman a creole pig was sacrificed and its blood shared in an oath to the cause of Haitian independence and liberation from white slave owners. This ceremony was not so different to the covenants conveyed in the Old Testament of the Bible between Israel and God. Liberation from slavery - the various African peoples dragged to these Caribbean shores wanted this, just as the Jews did when they were exiled and made slaves in Egypt. Haitians wanted a life free from captivity and they got it. Well, kind of. And as the plane lifts and rises over Port-au-Prince, I look down upon the sprawling capital, its poverty and hardships observable in my minds-eye, and it’s clear that freedom from oppression is still the cry of the majority.

That the abomination of slavery is gone in Haiti is wonderful but there are other chains that still demand breaking and not all of them belong to a white master. In the late 18^th century the blancs were the obvious enemy, not so anymore. Yes, the West and America have a profound legacy and ongoing influence but that doesn’t satisfactorily explain why most Haitians suffer. For over two hundred years there has been, in principle, the possibility of transformation in terms of healthcare, education and infrastructure, all these things that would alleviate difficulty and facilitate opportunities for better living. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are from, when you are sick you want a doctor, parents want their children to learn and people want the possibility to make a living and be secure. This country has seen much change and some improvements in living conditions but it is far from what my Haitian friends want. I have lots of ideas but no good answers and the truth is that I don’t need to provide them. It seems to me they will have to work it out for themselves and just like me will have to wrestle with themselves, each other and their government to see greater freedom.

In our own lives we are often our own worst enemies and barriers to what we desire. When it comes to societies it becomes even harder and for those in power it is worse. It is easy to hate the tyrant and we should oppose him (well, usually it’s a he), but don’t we all suffer under tyranny? The tyranny of our families, the guilt of our wrongdoing, the circumstances of our birth, the fortunes of our home countries, our sense of self and the inevitable bumps and bruises along life’s journey. Life isn’t easy for anyone and for some it’s really hard. We have this in common – we long for more life than we currently experience. I believe that the challenges humans face are mostly held within us and that the greater manifestation of these problems in countries like Haiti, and truly global issues like the growing gap between rich and poor, are symptomatic of human nature. 

So, how do you voodoo? Well, pretty much the same as everyone probably. However attractively ‘together’ we may think we have got our lives, we are in truth bumbling and fumbling along trying to survive and stay true to our beliefs, whatever they might be – voodoo itself, environmentalism, gender equality, veganism, self-before-other-ness, any-other-ism, comfortable self-preservation and/or faith in Jesus. We all choose our way in life, consciously or not, willingly or not, and that determines so much of our lives or not (natural phenomenon and perhaps God as some might see it). The point is (to bastardise the saying), we have to live in the worlds that are created for us and engage with them as we decide. I decided to return to aid work last year, dip my toe back in those murky waters, and do what small good I could. Seven months in Haiti haven’t broken me. Despite the failure to implement any meaningful humanitarian programming I am not disillusioned or cynical. I made my choices as did everyone else and life happened. There was the comic and the tragic, as well as the good that happens every day in the world which rarely makes the news headlines. We built no houses but were busy working and spending (and in one obvious sense wasting) money every day as the authorities postured, pushed for what they wanted and ultimately prevailed. No houses were built and the poor people who so admirably rebuilt their humble homes after the devastation of Hurricane Matthew continued to live their lives without assistance from us or their leaders. That is normal for them and yet still they found a measure of joy and kindness day by day. It is always the poor that endure the most and often are the most content.

The rich are the powerful for sure but regularly discontented. People even say that under the Duvalier dictators, Papa and Baby Doc, at least there was more respect in society and less crime although the thuggery of the Tonton Macoutes (the national security service) was infamous. Unfortunately humanitarian organisations have to navigate the difficult terrain of politics. I would have more happily worked side by side with the people I was there to help but sadly it never happened. When the local mayors were still blocking access after months of negotiations, we decided to leave. Such was the reaction in one location that roadblocks were set up and people raided our depot. News travels fast and the Prime Minister summoned me to his residence to explain. Without governmental approval NGOs simply can’t work in an area (that’s the usual procedure). At every step of the process we respected the law and remained committed to the humanitarian imperative to help those in need without prejudice. The PM seemed a reasonable man, polite and even decent, and with a vision for a better Haiti for all (most leaders do). He understood the impasse and accepted, with regret, our decision to abandon the project. However, it is clear that the reality of that political and social melée will remain shrouded in mystery and clouded by cross-cultural confusion.

When I was a young man I dreamed of doing diplomatic work in foreign countries and here I was conversing in my somewhat brutal French with the Haitian PM, the Minister of Planning and the head of mission for USAID. I didn’t expect it to look like this but I guess dreams are often strangers upon realisation. Looking down on the brown river snaking towards the sea through a scarred landscape stripped of the verdant forest which once covered the land, I make my peace with the past months and accept them with as much honesty as I can, acknowledging as I do so that I am not defined by the work I do and that to spend time again in Haiti has been a privilege.

Trash Talk

Cynicism is cheap – you can buy it at any Monoprix store – it’s built into all poor-quality goods.

From The Comedians by Graham Greene

Today is the Day of the Dead. For a while I was thinking Voodoo and something spookier than Halloween, maybe even sinister, but it’s really just the Haitian version of All Souls’ Day. In some ways one might consider it a syncretic hand-me-down holiday from the Catholics adapted to the Haitian context with local beliefs that originally arrived via West African slaves. Like many things here it is a complex blending of traditional customs and cultural cast-offs which evolve in a new place. Displacement does this and Haiti’s history is irrevocably bound up in the forced exile of slavery and survival as an oppressed and dislocated population which forged a new identity and future out of necessity in a foreign land. African religious ideas took root and grafted on Christian iconography to help form Voodoo.

One of the themes of this day is prayers for the deceased - all souls and the faithful departed - who have gone from this world. Many societies have their variations of this, such as Obon in Japan, when people remember their dead and consecrate the day to releasing them to the afterlife. While some might believe that heaven awaited the deceased, there is a pervasive idea that assistance is required or else the dead might linger and cause problems. It seems in the Caribbean and Latin America an annual ceremony to assist the dead make that journey to paradise and avoid a purgatory which might be holding them is common. The idea of a holding place of punishment is decidedly Catholic, and one that Graham Greene, author of The Comedians set in Haiti, was familiar. It blends with the fetishes of Voodoo easily.  However, one might argue that Haiti has been for many a kind of purgatory or even hell on earth for centuries. Surely death could not be worse than enduring a few short decades as a slave to French plantation owners or a citoyen with politics contrary to Papa Doc who ruled this country with a firm if at times brutal hand via his thuggery, the Tonton Macoute. He gave academic legitimacy to Voodoo as a student and then wove it into the fabric of Haitian society through politics. These kinds of beliefs sometimes help remove oneself from the purely prosaic aspects of life and the fact that life hasn’t improved that much for many here. Perhaps the dead are the lucky ones, not the people who pray for them, worry for their daily bread and sufficiently good health to endure another difficult day.

Some of my colleagues have argued that there was more respect and decency under the Duvalier regime despite its regular horrors. At least you knew who was in charge. These days democracy on this side of Hispanola is laced with satire and is comedic in its insubstantiality. People vote for personalities with no meaningful way to effect change. Almost inevitably within months the citizenry takes to the streets to protest, blocking roads and burning tires, because all this is all they can do to make their democratic voice heard. No one expects the government to improve their lives. They are so poorly represented. Many Haitian politicians have postured for fame and self-seeking gain.  Just look at the pop star leaders of Haiti of recent times representing legitimacy and stereotypes. Michael Martelly (Kompa legend and ineffectual post-quake ex-president) and Wyclef Jean (ex-Fugees front man, 2010 presidential candidate and defrauder extraordinaire of millions of dollars promised to Haiti through his charity). This is the political landscape that decent, educated and hard-working Haitians bemoan and the majority are star-struck by before they realise that the political elite will line their pockets and leave things just as they were if not worse. And when someone half-decent gets to power no one wants to pay their taxes and accept the hardships that must be shared to make life better for all.

Sadly, in my darker moments, I cannot help but think of Haiti as a gaudy knock-off version of Western democracies that have set the precedent of corruption, pandering to populist demands and electioneering for profit. Given the influence of America in Haiti both socially and politically, this should really be no surprise. However, usefulness of self-determination has long seemed pretty self-evident, as has the ugly influence of interference.

On the roads you could be forgiven for thinking that Haiti is the dumping ground for the world’s second-hand goods. Old trucks with bent chasses lurch down the roads like zombies and worn out premium brand trainers are strutted around on dance floor in corrugated iron shacks with blaring music by faux-bling rap-star replicas. Haitians are worth more than this but accept less than they deserve in politics, policing and the produce needed to sustain them. We think our trash is good enough for the Haitians and local perceptions of the superiority of lifestyles and brands from the West are insidious. The goods dumped in Haiti are often the items we no longer have a use for and the emulation of the Western democratic ideal is actually a poor quality lie we’ve chosen to believe also. It’s the MacDonald’s effect – one of the most cynical offerings the world has ever seen. Unperishable, highly processed and marketed as healthy and nutritious when the truth is the opposite. And the appetite for this crap is massive. Those golden arches, everywhere in the West, are rapidly growing in poorer countries. They claim to improve the quality of life by association with an ideal that betrays you with every mouthful. Why do so few people speak up or act differently? Is it any wonder that countries like Haiti don’t see through the façade?

Oscar Wilde once wrote that “we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. With the glittering stars of the Caribbean sky overhead and little prospect of replicating the flawed democracy and development of America and the West, wouldn’t it be refreshing for the Haitians to look to themselves and reject the ideas and offerings which for generations have stolen liberty and prosperity from them? Imagine it, humble yet honest, drawing on authentic Haitian culture which acknowledges slavery and its religious traditions looking within for inspiration, promising something achievable and home-grown that might capture the imagination of a nation and bring about the substantive change that so many long for. Unfortunately the world is not so straightforward or permissive enough to let them choose a radical alternative from the status quo, even when that condition is miserable and takes courage to change that very few have the stomach for, even me. I’m not sure I would choose it if the situation was reversed. So what do we turn to? Probably faith and hope in something beyond the current circumstances because we cannot change the world much even when we act like the change we want to see. I came back to Haiti hoping to do some small good. And I have pursued this with heart. The problem is that there is often no tangible measure for how this makes much of a difference.

Tiburon Bay

The music is loud but sweet to my ears. Sweating in the sultry heat of Tiburon I am comforted by worship songs ringing out over the rusting rooftops and shacks as the faithful gather. Maybe it’s because we pray to the same spirit that is with us and beyond us. When we are poor, vulnerable and isolated our appetite for a God is greater. And hey, this is music you can dance to and shake off any blues. A style called Kompa is the beat of the nation these days with its urgency and frenetic synth solos. The previous president Michael “Sweet Mickey” Martelly was and remains a legend of the genre and even in his leading role following the 2010 earthquake would perform at concerts, the people’s ‘Tete Kale’, the cue ball-headed star of the show. Haitians love prayers and dancing. It’s freeing, fun and may save your soul.

I am out of my comfort zone but alive in ways that are more intense, urgent and so far out of my control that I can only trust that things will be alright. And mostly they are. People tend to be decent wherever I have travelled from my early surf trips to Indonesia right up to my aid work in the Highlands of Afghanistan sitting to tea with warlords. The worst usually doesn’t come to pass and there is resilience that defies what life throws our way. But, comfort in the West has removed the apparent need for a higher power. We can do it ourselves. Materially this is certainly true. Tiburon (meaning shark in Spanish and connected to the town’s history) was battered by Hurricane Matthew. How we name these things I do not know, although each year an alphabetical list is prepared in advance – tropical storms are guaranteed. Matthew the Monster – a category 5 hurricane that tore off roofs as massive storms surges flooded low-lying areas and townsfolk in this part of the Sud Department clung for dear life to each other and anything solid so as not to be blown away. Stories of people having their house disappeared or collapsing around them are common as are tales of survival by lying flat on the ground, arms wrapped around a tree trunk while holding hands with a family member. The human drive to survive is immense. What might we take from a reading of the gospel of Matthew today? He tore through the town tossing, turning and trashing the place as Jesus wept, or slept quietly in the chapel. The strongest and safest places in a storm are the Haitian churches. Or perhaps my Lord wandered the beach as the storm approached and walked on the waters as the townsfolk trembled.

Maybe the place was actually spared through prayer. They sing, the brass section plays bum notes and the synthesiser does improvisation over the choir harmonising and swaying to the rhythm. ‘My bonny lies over the ocean… bring back my bonny to me.’ Is that what they are singing? Who is this bonny and did he flee to America, still the Promised Land for Haitians despite so often being the harbinger of ruin. God will have to take credit for Matthew. I’m not suggesting a punishing Almighty, just simply noting that he set things up this way. This is a challenge of faith because I believe this world was designed, not a random act of nature. It seems unfair because we dislike pain but perhaps this life was supposed to be hard. It says as much in The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck, “Life is difficult.” People here accept this fact more readily than me. However, the problem of suffering is one we all encounter sooner or later.

The sun is setting as the day cools a little and the waves continue to pulse upon the shore. An offshore breeze wafts towards the sea and people are gathering on street corners to chat. It is always a privilege to visit places like Haiti, observe another way of living and embrace the reality that life for most of humanity is different from where I just came from. Haiti is more the majority world than the UK and these perspectives from where I sit today are worth pondering.

Postscript:

Medair is leaving Tiburon a year after offering emergency assistance which helped many. However, for the past 9 months the mayors have resisted our project to build back safer shelters for households and have ultimately blocked the aid coming to people in their community who continue to suffer the hardships of poverty, unemployment and regular natural disasters. Why? They wanted something different.

Politics and selfishness we certainly a part of the answer but so too were donor pressure to do work on the cheap, no NGO pushback for a better design and a lack of collaboration with local communities whereby they would lead in the recovery. As we pack up and leave having spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a project that never got close to realising its objectives, or even getting off the ground with basic agreements with the local authorities, you ask yourself, what was the point? When we leave, Tiburon will return to the way it has been for generations; poor, beautiful and mostly peaceful. Various reports will explain why no project was done but will be plagued by the same problem as our attempts to help. In truth we missed the point. I’m not saying I have the answer. And, that seems like a good start. Even when disaster strikes we need to stop acting like we know best and what other people need. Show me an NGO that genuinely enters a context and asks: how can we help you in your hour of need? What would you like to do in order to respond to suffering in your community and how can we partner with you in that process? That is what I want, to treat others as I would like to be treated. The emergency aid sector evidently has a long way to go before it realises this deeper truth about integrity in human relationships and embracing our common humanity with genuine equality and love at its centre.

In short, I believe Jesus was right when he said: ‘Love one another as I have loved you`. Surely Christian NGOs should really take this to heart even if faith in action means saying no to big money that would hamstring their behaviour or make them agents of imperialism. For me the question is not whether we are part of empires and systems, we are all implicated in ways we can never escape. The question is rather whom we serve, how we act and our posture as we live our daily lives.

‘Do to others as you would have them do to you.’

Luke 6: 31