07 November 2017

Trash Talk


Cynicism is cheap – you can buy it at any Monoprix store – it’s built into all poor-quality goods.

From The Comedians by Graham Greene

Today is the Day of the Dead. For a while I was thinking Voodoo and something spookier than Halloween, maybe even sinister, but it’s really just the Haitian version of All Souls’ Day. In some ways one might consider it a syncretic hand-me-down holiday from the Catholics adapted to the Haitian context with local beliefs that originally arrived via West African slaves. Like many things here it is a complex blending of traditional customs and cultural cast-offs which evolve in a new place. Displacement does this and Haiti’s history is irrevocably bound up in the forced exile of slavery and survival as an oppressed and dislocated population which forged a new identity and future out of necessity in a foreign land. African religious ideas took root and grafted on Christian iconography to help form Voodoo.

One of the themes of this day is prayers for the deceased - all souls and the faithful departed - who have gone from this world. Many societies have their variations of this, such as Obon in Japan, when people remember their dead and consecrate the day to releasing them to the afterlife. While some might believe that heaven awaited the deceased, there is a pervasive idea that assistance is required or else the dead might linger and cause problems. It seems in the Caribbean and Latin America an annual ceremony to assist the dead make that journey to paradise and avoid a purgatory which might be holding them is common. The idea of a holding place of punishment is decidedly Catholic, and one that Graham Greene, author of The Comedians set in Haiti, was familiar. It blends with the fetishes of Voodoo easily.  However, one might argue that Haiti has been for many a kind of purgatory or even hell on earth for centuries. Surely death could not be worse than enduring a few short decades as a slave to French plantation owners or a citoyen with politics contrary to Papa Doc who ruled this country with a firm if at times brutal hand via his thuggery, the Tonton Macoute. He gave academic legitimacy to Voodoo as a student and then wove it into the fabric of Haitian society through politics. These kinds of beliefs sometimes help remove oneself from the purely prosaic aspects of life and the fact that life hasn’t improved that much for many here. Perhaps the dead are the lucky ones, not the people who pray for them, worry for their daily bread and sufficiently good health to endure another difficult day.

Some of my colleagues have argued that there was more respect and decency under the Duvalier regime despite its regular horrors. At least you knew who was in charge. These days democracy on this side of Hispanola is laced with satire and is comedic in its insubstantiality. People vote for personalities with no meaningful way to effect change. Almost inevitably within months the citizenry takes to the streets to protest, blocking roads and burning tires, because all this is all they can do to make their democratic voice heard. No one expects the government to improve their lives. They are so poorly represented. Many Haitian politicians have postured for fame and self-seeking gain.  Just look at the pop star leaders of Haiti of recent times representing legitimacy and stereotypes. Michael Martelly (Kompa legend and ineffectual post-quake ex-president) and Wyclef Jean (ex-Fugees front man, 2010 presidential candidate and defrauder extraordinaire of millions of dollars promised to Haiti through his charity). This is the political landscape that decent, educated and hard-working Haitians bemoan and the majority are star-struck by before they realise that the political elite will line their pockets and leave things just as they were if not worse. And when someone half-decent gets to power no one wants to pay their taxes and accept the hardships that must be shared to make life better for all.

Sadly, in my darker moments, I cannot help but think of Haiti as a gaudy knock-off version of Western democracies that have set the precedent of corruption, pandering to populist demands and electioneering for profit. Given the influence of America in Haiti both socially and politically, this should really be no surprise. However, usefulness of self-determination has long seemed pretty self-evident, as has the ugly influence of interference.

On the roads you could be forgiven for thinking that Haiti is the dumping ground for the world’s second-hand goods. Old trucks with bent chasses lurch down the roads like zombies and worn out premium brand trainers are strutted around on dance floor in corrugated iron shacks with blaring music by faux-bling rap-star replicas. Haitians are worth more than this but accept less than they deserve in politics, policing and the produce needed to sustain them. We think our trash is good enough for the Haitians and local perceptions of the superiority of lifestyles and brands from the West are insidious. The goods dumped in Haiti are often the items we no longer have a use for and the emulation of the Western democratic ideal is actually a poor quality lie we’ve chosen to believe also. It’s the MacDonald’s effect – one of the most cynical offerings the world has ever seen. Unperishable, highly processed and marketed as healthy and nutritious when the truth is the opposite. And the appetite for this crap is massive. Those golden arches, everywhere in the West, are rapidly growing in poorer countries. They claim to improve the quality of life by association with an ideal that betrays you with every mouthful. Why do so few people speak up or act differently? Is it any wonder that countries like Haiti don’t see through the façade?

Oscar Wilde once wrote that “we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. With the glittering stars of the Caribbean sky overhead and little prospect of replicating the flawed democracy and development of America and the West, wouldn’t it be refreshing for the Haitians to look to themselves and reject the ideas and offerings which for generations have stolen liberty and prosperity from them? Imagine it, humble yet honest, drawing on authentic Haitian culture which acknowledges slavery and its religious traditions looking within for inspiration, promising something achievable and home-grown that might capture the imagination of a nation and bring about the substantive change that so many long for. Unfortunately the world is not so straightforward or permissive enough to let them choose a radical alternative from the status quo, even when that condition is miserable and takes courage to change that very few have the stomach for, even me. I’m not sure I would choose it if the situation was reversed. So what do we turn to? Probably faith and hope in something beyond the current circumstances because we cannot change the world much even when we act like the change we want to see. I came back to Haiti hoping to do some small good. And I have pursued this with heart. The problem is that there is often no tangible measure for how this makes much of a difference.

01 November 2017

Tiburon Bay


The music is loud but sweet to my ears. Sweating in the sultry heat of Tiburon I am comforted by worship songs ringing out over the rusting rooftops and shacks as the faithful gather. Maybe it’s because we pray to the same spirit that is with us and beyond us. When we are poor, vulnerable and isolated our appetite for a God is greater. And hey, this is music you can dance to and shake off any blues. A style called Kompa is the beat of the nation these days with its urgency and frenetic synth solos. The previous president Michael “Sweet Mickey” Martelly was and remains a legend of the genre and even in his leading role following the 2010 earthquake would perform at concerts, the people’s ‘Tete Kale’, the cue ball-headed star of the show. Haitians love prayers and dancing. It’s freeing, fun and may save your soul.

I am out of my comfort zone but alive in ways that are more intense, urgent and so far out of my control that I can only trust that things will be alright. And mostly they are. People tend to be decent wherever I have travelled from my early surf trips to Indonesia right up to my aid work in the Highlands of Afghanistan sitting to tea with warlords. The worst usually doesn’t come to pass and there is resilience that defies what life throws our way. But, comfort in the West has removed the apparent need for a higher power. We can do it ourselves. Materially this is certainly true. Tiburon (meaning shark in Spanish and connected to the town’s history) was battered by Hurricane Matthew. How we name these things I do not know, although each year an alphabetical list is prepared in advance – tropical storms are guaranteed. Matthew the Monster – a category 5 hurricane that tore off roofs as massive storms surges flooded low-lying areas and townsfolk in this part of the Sud Department clung for dear life to each other and anything solid so as not to be blown away. Stories of people having their house disappeared or collapsing around them are common as are tales of survival by lying flat on the ground, arms wrapped around a tree trunk while holding hands with a family member. The human drive to survive is immense. What might we take from a reading of the gospel of Matthew today? He tore through the town tossing, turning and trashing the place as Jesus wept, or slept quietly in the chapel. The strongest and safest places in a storm are the Haitian churches. Or perhaps my Lord wandered the beach as the storm approached and walked on the waters as the townsfolk trembled.

Maybe the place was actually spared through prayer. They sing, the brass section plays bum notes and the synthesiser does improvisation over the choir harmonising and swaying to the rhythm. ‘My bonny lies over the ocean… bring back my bonny to me.’ Is that what they are singing? Who is this bonny and did he flee to America, still the Promised Land for Haitians despite so often being the harbinger of ruin. God will have to take credit for Matthew. I’m not suggesting a punishing Almighty, just simply noting that he set things up this way. This is a challenge of faith because I believe this world was designed, not a random act of nature. It seems unfair because we dislike pain but perhaps this life was supposed to be hard. It says as much in The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck, “Life is difficult.” People here accept this fact more readily than me. However, the problem of suffering is one we all encounter sooner or later.

The sun is setting as the day cools a little and the waves continue to pulse upon the shore. An offshore breeze wafts towards the sea and people are gathering on street corners to chat. It is always a privilege to visit places like Haiti, observe another way of living and embrace the reality that life for most of humanity is different from where I just came from. Haiti is more the majority world than the UK and these perspectives from where I sit today are worth pondering.


Postscript:
Medair is leaving Tiburon a year after offering emergency assistance which helped many. However, for the past 9 months the mayors have resisted our project to build back safer shelters for households and have ultimately blocked the aid coming to people in their community who continue to suffer the hardships of poverty, unemployment and regular natural disasters. Why? They wanted something different.

Politics and selfishness we certainly a part of the answer but so too were donor pressure to do work on the cheap, no NGO pushback for a better design and a lack of collaboration with local communities whereby they would lead in the recovery. As we pack up and leave having spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a project that never got close to realising its objectives, or even getting off the ground with basic agreements with the local authorities, you ask yourself, what was the point? When we leave, Tiburon will return to the way it has been for generations; poor, beautiful and mostly peaceful. Various reports will explain why no project was done but will be plagued by the same problem as our attempts to help. In truth we missed the point. I’m not saying I have the answer. And, that seems like a good start. Even when disaster strikes we need to stop acting like we know best and what other people need. Show me an NGO that genuinely enters a context and asks: how can we help you in your hour of need? What would you like to do in order to respond to suffering in your community and how can we partner with you in that process? That is what I want, to treat others as I would like to be treated. The emergency aid sector evidently has a long way to go before it realises this deeper truth about integrity in human relationships and embracing our common humanity with genuine equality and love at its centre.

In short, I believe Jesus was right when he said: ‘Love one another as I have loved you`. Surely Christian NGOs should really take this to heart even if faith in action means saying no to big money that would hamstring their behaviour or make them agents of imperialism. For me the question is not whether we are part of empires and systems, we are all implicated in ways we can never escape. The question is rather whom we serve, how we act and our posture as we live our daily lives.

‘Do to others as you would have them do to you.’

Luke 6: 31

25 October 2017

Haitian Dreams


The brightly painted wooden booths selling lottery tickets, the proprietors’ hopes preying on hope – “Bank Lotto, New York.” The rubble by the side of the sides of the streets – old tires, trash, ragged chunks of concrete, skeletons of trucks and cars stripped clean as bones in a desert. Men sitting with shotguns on their knees outside every gas station. Dying men and women begging.

Tracy Kidder, Mountains Beyond Mountains (2011)

Don’t let these colourful, corrugated iron sheds fool you. These are not miniature banks to facilitate the Haitian economy or micro-financing to enable small business to flourish here as in other developing countries. This is the national lottery. Well, one of them. As well as Nono, there are St Joseph, Charlito, La Difference and more. And they are everywhere. Twice a day, three numbers are chalked up on results’ boards and winners collect. But like every lottery or any other sort of institutionalised gambling, the odds are you will lose. Still, this does not stop many Haitians dabbling in this national pastime because it offers hope of riches and a better life.

Haiti is poor and shows no great signs of ridding itself of the title of poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, which seems to be quoted at every opportunity when it is mentioned in the news. Of course, Haiti is not much in the news these days. Its moment in the media spotlight was back in 2010 following the massive earthquake when seemingly the whole world arrived to help. The disappointing reality of that aid effort is captured well in Jonathan M.Katz’s insightful and well-researched book written in 2013, The Big Truck That Went By: How The World Came To Save Haiti And Left Behind A Disaster. Well, the title pretty much says it all. Part of the disaster left behind, beyond the mismanagement, Haitian elite profiteering, western neo-colonial imperatives and the self-interested giving of donor governments seeking to “save” Haiti from any meaningful, self-determined recovery, was the arrival of Cholera, brought in by UN peacekeepers from Nepal whose poorly sanitised camp leaked out effluent into a nearby water source used for drinking water as well as washing dishes, bodies and clothes. Contrary to one of the pillars of contemporary aid, this intervention did harm. Of course some small good was done but writ large the relief effort failed.


There is a shortage of decent work for the majority in Haiti and with a depressed economy, corrupt government, poor infrastructure and devastated natural environment, the prospect of life changing for the better is unlikely if not non-existent. Some of my colleagues accept this and make the best of life here with a joyful stoicism because it is home. They love Haiti and stay because they belong. However, for many Haitians the goal is to flee this island for the continent of plenty, America. Beg, borrow, steal or work your ass off, you need money to get to the USA, and winning the lottery is one of the great hopes. However, most will never win the amount required for it to make a difference here or in the dreamed of suburbs of New York or Miami where much of the Haitian diaspora live. If I lived here I would want a better life. That’s what makes some of my friends here so impressive. They have all the papers needed to live in the States but have chosen to stay and work towards a better Haiti in spite of insurmountable odds. These include a geographical location threatened every year by major hurricanes and a legacy of slavery which permeates Haitian identity years after independence was fought for and gained in the hope of realising freedom and fullness of life.

Jesus Bus


From somewhere in the valley below us comes the sound of drums. I recall the time I spent here in the central plateau with the American soldiers, and I remember the sound of Voodoo drums wafting into the army barracks in Mirebalais at night and how unsettling it was to some of us sitting there, in all its mystery. I’m sure we’d have felt different if we’d known we were probably hearing ceremonies to cure the sick.

Tracy Kidder, Mountains Beyond Mountains (2011)

Everywhere you look in Haiti there are signs of faith. Everything from shop signs to bus artwork declares an absolute belief in an all-powerful God who will take care of the proprietor or driver in question. Maybe it is a proselytising technique to share the true way or earn merit. Or perhaps it is simply a way of having confidence in life when most things around you are hard and often horrendous. Many Haitians do not have access to healthcare and if they do it is not necessarily adequate to deal with their ailments. In the larger cities, and if you have money, decent medical treatment is available. However, for the majority of the population, either living outside the major centres or too poor to access the services, suffering is inevitable in a country where drinking water is often untreated, cholera outbreaks occur regularly, malaria is endemic, TB is still present, nutritional levels are lacking and injury and illness are commonplace. Even a minor health issue or easily treated condition in the West may persist or have grave consequences here. And regularly it does end that way, in death.

There is no doubt that in recent years access to healthcare and the quality of that care even in some rural outposts, notably parts of the haute plateau, have improved drastically. A notable contribution to this service provision is Zanmi Lasante (Partners in Health) and Paul Farmer who worked tirelessly for the principle of global equality in healthcare norms – meaning Haitians should have the same as Americans. Despite these positive developments, such is life in this country that sometimes when a person dies the explanation given is, ‘died of Haiti.’ So, it is no wonder that faith and hope in a greater power is nearly universal here. It also explains why people don’t limit this to Jesus but also seek assistance in the form of the Haiti’s home-grown religion. It is just as likely that a Haitian will seek help from a Voodoo priest as a doctor. I have had staff say to me that there is no need to see a doctor about a certain problem because they knew the source of the issue was not natural. The implication, though rarely stated, is that it was the result of a curse. This implies that treating illness is not simply a medical matter and gives further weight to local ideas that you need both old practices and new approaches in the face sickness and death.


It’s 2.15am on a Saturday morning and I cannot sleep. After a week of bedrest due to a mystery infection that caused fever and aches, I seemed to come good yesterday. However, the strange skull ache and pain down my neck that I had earlier in the week has returned with a vengeance. I awoke two hours ago and could have sworn someone was in my room. I certainly feel under attack from something, be it a disease or another sort of enemy. As country director for an NGO in Haiti I have made a few necessary but unpopular decisions recently. Some people may wish me harm and right now I can easily believe that there is a malicious Voodoo plot to harm me. I might even explain my sickness in the same way as many Haitians. Neither medicine nor prayers to my God have prevailed till now. Of course, it might just be withdrawal symptoms due to a lack of caffeine. Whatever the case, being sick has humbled me and reminded me of the circumstances of many in Haiti who ask of religion what most people do according to Alfred Metraux author of Voodoo in Haiti: remedy for ills, satisfaction of needs and hope of survival.

23 October 2017

She Reads Between Lines


She reads between lines
Colourless, black on white
Unseen shadow columns
Mark the boundary light

Flowers gather peeking
Past locks to hidden word
And in this covered mystery
Tales shared remain unheard

Is this a silent reckoning?
Thoughts are not spoken
And imagination spirals
Deep like roots unbroken

22 July 2017

Save Haiti


‘SAVE HAITI’. That’s what it says on the T-shirt. What do we make of those words? For me it raises up a distinctly colonial and Christian idea of salvation that believes it is the answer. This is of course a very different thing to any message Jesus of Nazareth spoke of and yet, the ‘salvation project’, both personal and global, is one that has dominated the minds of the Western-educated, Christian and Atheist alike, for centuries. The helicopter seems to be lifting away the word ‘save’ and that seems like a good start. I know that the guy wearing the T-shirt and that he bought it not because he believed that of any of those things that I just mentioned were desirable, even if they were possible, he simply wanted to give money and offer something to those in need. And in 2010 Haiti was in serious need after being struck by a massive earthquake which levelled much of the capital, Port-au-Prince, and many other areas. About 150,000 people lost their lives, a large percentage of them because the houses were not built to withstand such forces, building code or not. It happened at night while people slept and were crushed before they found cover more substantial than bedsheets which quickly became burial shrouds. And when the aid came, it passed most people by. Yes, Haiti. If the story of this tragedy and the large scale aid effort which came and went is of interest to you, I would recommend a book called The Big Truck That Drove By’ by Jonathan Katz. But today, in a departure from my old humanitarian imaginings, let’s not follow it down the road.

After 18 months away from aid work in which I often saw no possible way that I could or would ever do it again, I am back in Haiti on an aid contract. The journey out of depression, hopelessness, cynicism, defeat and death after those years in Afghanistan, DR Congo and Haiti was long and arduous. The toll on me was heavy and there is a story about how healing, restoration and hope came back into my life. For now let me just say that I was more surprised by the decision to do humanitarian work again than those who know me well. Somewhere along the way I knew that it was better than doing nothing to help those who suffer, but I knew it wasn’t enough of a motivation for me. Then I realised that perhaps the best we can ever do as humans is found in the simple possibilities that always are before us and the choice we have to engage, to turn away or face life in all its messy beauty and troubles with honesty and humility. I realise that Mother Teresa said it best with these words: “We can do no great things, only small things done with great love.” Somehow I got to a point where I had compassion and the desire to try again. 

The question I asked myself as I went through familiar routines of pre-contract briefings, bag packing, farewells and busy preparations, was whether it would be different this time around. And the truth is I don’t know. It may break me in the same ways as before or perhaps in new ways. I know I have changed but that is no guarantee. However, I can see my heart is different now and I am more interested in whom I am becoming as a human being rather than what I am achieving or not. That was always vanity. If in trying to do good I become a horror to myself and others then it raises serious questions for me about how I am living. I guess the litmus test for my health and humanity has changed. This I hope is enough for me to dip my toe in the waters of aid work again and see if I sink or float free. For me great love would mean breaking out of the systematic modes of aid and much Christian mission and finding a place where we don’t talk of objectives and deliverables as much as the fruit born out of our actions and interactions. Ernesto Sirolli, in his TED talk about aid in Africa and his life’s work, said ‘shut up and listen if you want to help someone’. His call to be neither paternalistic nor patronising is not what Haitians have experienced in their interactions with people from over the ocean and even across the island of Hispaniola which they share with Dominicans. If by ‘save’ we don’t mean servant-hearted (which funnily Sirolli talks about though never mentions faith or Jesus as the model leader), let the helicopter lift off removing SAVE. In my mind’s eye now the word LOVE rises up from below, though a landscape of beautiful, suffering people with tremendous capacity for transforming their own country into a place of health, happiness and hope. None of us ever do this alone. Yes, love Haiti.


This is perhaps something like the ‘path with heart’ which Carlos Castaneda spoke of in his books about the teachings of Don Juan. And how will I love this time? How will my heart stay soft and supple rather than turn hard and rigid? It will probably have to break again. Dying to self is powerful. The man within believes he is right and can fix things and bring transformation forth by his own hand. My life experience would argue this is vanity. And of course I am blind to my own prejudice and ways of perceiving reality. This is never enough. However, if I can die to it all, and trust that as in nature’s scheme, death brings life, transformation is possible. I believe that the same is possible with man – new life in a resurrection of the mind, body and soul. That way I don’t become the man I have often strived to become. Instead I find revealed within me the fullness of my potentiality powered though surrender to a love which I do not possess. I have found this by faith in Jesus (offensive as I know this is to some of my readers). I also know this is my personal journey and one I can’t take anyone on. Perhaps we could agree on love as the answer? John Lennon said as much but to rephrase the words of Pilate to Jesus at his ‘trial’, `what is love?` And my friend Pete would probably agree. What do we understand of love? My own understandings will only ever be sufficient for me and often they have been found wanting. For me, humility is the key and the self-awareness that I don’t know how to do this on my own. Can I trust a love that does?

01 March 2017

Poem For Shrove Tuesday: A Reprise

And so the clouds lift
The sky blue, clear
A warm sun on my back
Briefly hinting at summer
On bustling Fentiman Road
No fists shoved into thick overcoats
Or dampened figures hunched
As they scurry past
Doris, her recent fury past
And sweet Magdelene sipping coffee
With the man she worships
A breeze gently lifting the scent
Of the first new buds in Vauxhall Park
Boldly announcing: “Spring is here!”
We’re not so sure
But nature knows, each year
New life rises from death
And mercy triumphs over judgement
So take courage and look forward
To Jesus and our Easter Day
Though first he walked
Through Gethsemane to the cross
After pancakes on a Tuesday